Simple Facts
by Mystic Owl
Summary: "Urisai! If you so much as say Meat one more time you'll see how well a hammer can float." Shi shi shi-shi shi he chuckled while adorning his signature smile that took up at least two thirds of his face...A cute little fluff I just whipped up. Worth the read. XD
1. Chapter 1

It's been a while since I've posted anything and this cute little drabble just completly knocked me over. It feels done but has potential for a multi-chapter fic. We'll see what the future holds. I do not own One Piece or any characters involved in that production. Eiichiro Oda has created the greatest entertainment of all times (at least in my very biased opinions). Continue at your own risk, this fan fiction is not for profit simply for mine own amusement.

* * *

"Meat."

"Nani Luffy?"

"Meatttt."

"What if you want some meat ask Sanji aho!"

"MMMEEEAAATTTT!"

"Urisai! If you so much as say Meat one more time you'll see how well a hammer can float."

"The baby…wants meat." Her captain whispered; utterly uncharacteristic of himself to speak in such hushed tones but his eyes were intent as they bored into hers. His palms secured in the placement of her body, gently caressed the larger than average bulge beneath his calloused fingertips.

"And how do you know what she—"

"He." Shi shi shi-shi shi he chuckled while adorning his signature smile that took up at least two thirds of his face.

"The baby—" Nami conceded

"Our baby." Luffy added.

"Yes. How do _you_ know _our baby_ wants _meat_?"

"Bakadomo"

"Nandeto?"

"He's my son!"

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Cute right. _ ! I hoped you enjoyed. Please Review.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: LOL I was not expecting the sheer amount of feedback I received from this fanfic. To everyone who reviewed, favourited, alerted or simply read my story I sincerely thank you. To my cousin whom demanded, "You better finish this story. I wana know if that damn baby gets his meat! Or else..." Well I hope this can satisfy you...^_^; "sweatdrop?"...Blanket disclaimer still applies please continue to read and review.

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"That was quite noble of you Sanji-san."

"…"

"It takes a man above men to resist temptation like that Yohohoho!"

Brook watched as the overworked cook tilted his head skywards and used his right hand to drag the still unlit cigarette away from his mouth.

Unable to bear the melancholy air any longer the Soul King decided to play a tune on the violin, he wanted to bring it back to the basics and felt his old violin would bring about the softer tones he was striving for.

With violin and cord in hand Brook advanced towards the prone figure with his back facing the sea while reclining on his elbows on the rails of the deck on the thousand sunny.

"Therefore Sanji-kun I will now play a song for you, in honour of your manliness."

When a hint of a smile fluttered across the blood cooks face the musician knew he was on the right track. With his instrument in place and about to strike the first note he suddenly paused and stressed;

"Before I begin Sanji-san….I have a matter of serious importance to discuss with you!"

Brook was patient enough to wait until the younger mans full attention was upon him watching as Sanji's listless eyes bored into his own. _Although he didn't have eyes Yohohoho_—this was not the time for Skull Jokes! Not even in his own head!

Leaning forward to add as another precaution to ensure secrecy; even though it was just the two of them on deck, Brook conscientiously looked over his left shoulder then his right before turning back to the cook.

* * *

Starting off as a mere whisper Brook began,

"I am not like you Sanji-san."

Voice increasing in volume and strength as he became more passionate Brook added,

"There are times when A Otaku must RISK LIFE AND LIMB to fulfill his DREAMS! Although I—"

"Brook!" Sanji growled his patience long beginning to run thin with the grandpa skeleton.

"Ahh, Yess! Arigato for getting me back on track…"

Leaning further still Brook and Sanji had an approximate 4 minute stare down, the likes of which rivalled if not beat that one time with Crocus at Twin Capes Lighthouses. But before Sanji could kick some sense into the Baka, the skeleton parted his teeth and then proceeded to talk without a tongue.

All of the 3 seconds it took for the words to leave Brooks mouth was time enough for Sanji's ero brain to process, evaluate and dissect this new information. Within this time interval either due to his Haki, his emotional output or the situation in general Sanji's entire body had somehow ignited into violent flames; completely disintegrating his unused and forgotten cigarette.

"**MEELLLOONNIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"**THE bellow of rage was so loud and unexpected that it had all the Straw-Hat Pirates-which were in various states of leisure- clamouring or in Robin's case strolling towards the deck of the ship. What greeted them was a spectacle they would not soon remember…or should I say forget.

"**Collier!" "Epaule!" " Côtelette, Selle, Poitrine, Gigot, Mouton Shot!"**

"**Concassé! Brochette! Santen Découpage!"**

**"_Diable Jumble!"_**

* * *

_"LAABBOOOONNNNN!" Brook's agonized cry was heard by the whole crew as he and his bones went hurtling over boards._

_"Doctor! Doctor! He needs A DOCTOR! Oh! I'm a Doctor! I'm Coming BROOK!"_

_"Hmmm must be a new record…" mused the archeologist. _

_"That was one SUUPPPEERRR Kick! I give it 5000m! OOWW!"_

_"Fufufu 10 050m."_

_"Oi! This is not the time to be placing bets!" a startled Usopp declared while palm slapping the air._

* * *

_"_Nani? Nani!" Nami's voice carried over the chaos of voices as she tried to assess the situation. Luffy and Nami had left the library post haste, rushing across the upper deck as the screams of chaos rang out.

Heart in her throat as she surveyed the crew Nami wanted to know if they were under attack, if some unexplainable phenomenon was occurring, was it a typhoon, tsunami, twister? Were they off course?

"What's going on?" She asked to everyone and no one in particular.

"Hahahaha-aha-hahahahaha" the boisterous laughter of her Captain to the right of her calmed her heart and despite all the chaos around her a small smile graced her face as she realized that the Straw Hat Pirates were just being Straw Hat Pirates.

_"Sanji NOOOOO!"_

* * *

"My precious Mellonie~" the cooks soft melodramatic whisper was intended for Nami~chans precious ears alone.

The navigator suddenly noticing that she was alone on the upper deck, used her eyes to scout out the frantic screams of her captain, but what greeted her eyes were a bunch of idiots.

There on the grassy decks by the swing her captain was cradling Sanji's limp body as rivulets of blood flowed freely from the perverts' nose.

"If you die…If you die…WHO WILL COOK THE MEAT?"

"LIVE SANJI! LIVE! FOR MEAT!"

"OI! Luffy!" Usopp slapped the air with the back of his hand, "This is no time for meat. Zoro, Chopper and Brook just got swallowed by a SEA KING!"

"Baka! It's always time for MEAT!" Luffy's serious glare was enough to make Usopp sweat-drop.

"It was SUUPAAA SPECTACULAR!"

"Hmmm I wonder if Devil Fruit Users can drown in stomach acid as well?" mused a very curious archeologist.

"DAMMIT MEAAT! LIVE—"

"Oi Robin! Not you too!" Ussop shrieked.

"Mina Baka-tachi!" Nami screamed as she turned back the way she'd came and closed the library doors with a resounding slam.

"It's no good for girly to be so upset…especially in her condition. OWW!" Franky exclaimed while doing his Super Pose.

"Fufufu I believe it's the hormones."

"No…Nami's always been this scary." Usopp clarified while some depressive thought relating to the ginger had him wallowing in subdued misery.

"Really Mecha?"

"OOOOOOHH! Mecha! He said Mecha! Do it again—NO!" abruptly the stars shining in Usopp's eyes shattered as he remembered the peril his friends were in. Taking up this extreme mantle of responsibility the experienced sniper that could even take out a gnat's wing from air pressure alone from half of a mile…no from Half A Country…No Half a WORLD away, took in the situation and made his declaration.

"Fine I Captain USOPP, Bravest Warrior of the Sea shall now rescue my Nakama!"

Locking on with his target a Sea king that stretched at least "5miles long" and was "200 meters tall", the young man decided that his combustion pepper emerald, a plant that he'd gotten from Boin Island would be of perfect use to him now…Sogeking would be so proud.

"Is that a new look Usopp?" Zoro questioned the sniper as he dumped his load upon the deck.

With eyebrow raised and now sheeted katana, the unofficial first mate continued, "You been taking lessons from curly brow?"

* * *

"See…La…ce…" Sanji whispered before his heart stopped.

"Why Kami-sama? Why Meat Kami-Sama? He was so young! My baby…My poor Baby! How will he eat MEAT NOW?"

"I thought curly brow was the only one stupid enough to light himself on fire."

Walking towards the cook and her captain, Robin's sharp eyes quickly surveyed the situation then begun to share her discovery with her grief-stricken captain.

"Luffy-kun I believe cook-san just fainted."

"AHHH! Put it out! Put it OUT! I'M ON FIRE!"

"Ahahahahaa!" Zoro doubled over from laughter even slapping his knee. The tactile man put two and two together and figured that when he'd finally cut the sea king the wind pressure from his blades must have repelled Usopp's flames back on him.

* * *

With eyes now filled with new found hope and determination the Straw Hat Captain looked up towards his archeologist and tentatively asked;

"He's really gonna make it?"

"Yes." Robin placed her right palm on Luffy's shoulder and squeezed lightly, letting him know that she understood both the gravity of the situation and the impact her words had on his fragile control. "The meet will live."

"One, Two, Three, Four OW!" "Stay with me Chopper-bro…Wake up! You have to—"

"Stop! Drop! And Roll!" Chopper screamed as the last bits of water spewed out of his mouth, thanks to Franky's chest compressions.

"No don't look at me! I'm not crying…All this time I knew he was gonna make it!"

"BWWAAAAHAWWAAAA!" Franky belted out as he was overcome with emotion.

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHH! ALRIGHT!" Luffy's exuberant scream echoed throughout the entire ship as he completely disregarded Sanji's body from the cradle of his arms to have it fall where it may. The Captain catapulted across the deck and made a spectacular entrance within the library chambers; the two bookcases didn't stand a chance.

"Nami!" he screams, as if his entrance alone wasn't enough to distract his navigator from her maps.

"The meat…IT'S ALIVE!" Luffy stated relief and joy shown through in his eyes and voice now knowing that once again the day was safe.

"AHO!"

The fist that barrelled into the rubber idiots' face was so powerful that it had him flying in slow motion. It first had him propelling through the doors, back flipping over the rails, his face slid across the deck as his teeth uprooted the grass then promptly had him flip over the head of the lion where he then plummeted into the sea.

The unanimous cry of "CAPTAIN!" echoed throughout the deck.

* * *

Later on that evening as Brook renewed his affirmation with the world of the living, the man took a moment to quietly thinking to himself as to why Nami constantly denied him certain privileges.

_He remembered earlier on that morning when the love cook had practically danced towards the library doors with a tray of beverages in his hands, but just as abruptly as the cook had opened the doors he'd closed it. Literally sprinting on his heals as he ran far and wide from that direction._

_Suddenly overcome by curiosity the musician ambled himself up to the door and used his eyes to peek through the crack. What he saw there was ultimate paradise. He couldn't understand why Sanji-kun would flee from such a magnificent site._

_"Oi Brook!"_

_His head whipped to the side as he identified the speaker of his name to be none other than Luffy._

_"Is Nami in there?" his captain had asked._

_And with a guilty nod of his head the Soul King had said "Hai." Hoping above all hope that Luffy wouldn't notice the trail of blood freely flowing from his nose._

And now even with the injuries from Sanji's multiple kicks lavishing his bones, Brook couldn't find an un-fractured, splintered, broken or lacerated bone in his body that regretted his actions.

But now he understood why Name denied him the joys of seeing her panties.

It's because his heart just couldn't handle it, although he didn't have a heart Yohohoho!

Especially when the girl in question wore See-through Lace.

* * *

AN: To Rizz-chan lol you crack me up! Nandeto is a combo of two words that vaguely translate to "What did you say?". It's very informal and a lose interpitation at best.

Lol if another idea strikes then I'll make a chapter 3 this piece was just so fun to write. The characters are just too much fun to play with. XD.

Hoot hoo hoo Mystic Owl Out.

Lmao! I had to re-upload this twice...the format is just soo weird! _


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